I wanna passion pit in your ass
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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