At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
