So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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