Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
