i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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