Can Purell be used as lube?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
