I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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