i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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