Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
