While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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