the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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