dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i came on her dog
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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