Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
