oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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