I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
