I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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