Me. At least after what I've been through.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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