bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
