So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
