I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
