it hurts more in the daytime
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
