You can't motorboat a personality
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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