I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
