i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
