Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
