She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
