Having a random hookup so left but love u
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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