That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
