if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
