why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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