8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
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