why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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