Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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