Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
