Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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