i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
