I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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