I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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