I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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