Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
