I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
