why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
