He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
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The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
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Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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