So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
