Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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