final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
