You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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