My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
