i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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