Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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