I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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