yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
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