I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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