a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize