Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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