My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
