and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
