take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
