I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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