Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
