If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
