why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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