Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
