He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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