on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
