guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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