my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
