I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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