false alarm. still invincible.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
