Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
