Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Pooping to opera.
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