Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
