just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
