I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
