please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
